Know what makes me freaking insane?
Whiny, bitch ass people with nothing on their plates but work and being pregnant.
Get a grip. How are you going to handle being a mom?
Today, my to-do list is a mile long, and while I feel like screaming out of frustration, I know it will get done. (Terri-you are amazing and provide excellent service! Thank you for keeping me focused.)

I'm probably not fit for human consumption, but the humans keep consuming me.
Oh well. Two job stresses is annoying, but I'll adjust shortly.

I have to cook two turkeys this year, make chocolate bowls for dessert, and start on dough. I think I'll skip work on Wednesday, as it's Abby's Thanksgiving feast at school.

Speaking of school, Abby LOVES it. She keeps talking about how she's learning Spanish, and how she's doing yoga. She hasn't said anything about piano, French or Italian yet, but she seems super excited that she can say her colors in Spanish.

Here are some updated pictures! ( Read more... )

Today, my typical size pants do not fit me.
They are swimming, and my butt is missing.
And I'm dreaming of Thursday, when I gorge myself on Thanksgiving dinner, then curl up with Conrad and remember what we're thankful for, on our 3rd Thanksgiving as a family.
This year, my youngest brother joins us, and I'm thankful for him as well.


Things aren't perfect here in paradise, but they could be much worse.

This woman who takes on the world
And picks up your shirts, keeps it together somehow
This same woman that melts with your touch
Wants you to feel what I'm feeling right now

(chorus)
'Cause this woman needs
A safe place to land
The strength in your hands
To know you know
What this woman needs
Is somewhere to cry
So lay by my side
And I'll tell you, I'll tell you

This woman needs to be reassured
That my heart's your home, and love is what wills you to stay
I need you to see me in every light
And hear that you still think I'm beautiful anyway

(repeat chorus)

What this woman needs
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, what this woman needs
Is somewhere to cry
So lay by my side
And I'll tell you , I'll tell you

What this woman needs
Yeah, what this woman needs
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What this woman needs

My dad just called from Texas.
12 soldiers were just murdered by 3 other soldiers.
The entire base is on lockdown.
The military personnel have been told to stay away from windows and doors, and to remove all uniforms in exchange for civillian attire.
I may vomit.

Please keep the soldiers (and my dad) at Ft. Hood in your prayers tonight.

So, I'm ready to start Thanksgiving now.
Halloween is over, I never even decorated, but I'm ready for turkey!

This year, instead of the homestyle, sit around where ever dinner, I'm planning an actual formal dinner.
With china and crystal and placecards.

The thought excites me.

I know I'm making a turkey, and I've got dessert down pat.
I also have an awesome, delicious, gourmet stuffing recipe I love.

What else would you serve, dear LJ friends?

I'm specifically looking for a soup course, a salad-type course, and a unique way to do potatoes.

I don't want to veer too far off the path of Thanksgiving food, but am dying to try some new recipes. :)

What a wonderful journey!
It was a great event, well put together.
San Francisco was fabulous, and I can't decide if it was just because it was halloween.
I received an interesting proposition from a unicorn, but Q yelled "RUN!" instead of pondering the man with a shower. ;)
Dinner with a million people, including Glenda, Q, and Gabe was delicious.
I wore my new dress, and it was fabulous.
(Thanks for the loan of the gloves, Heather!)
I made some new friends, flirted with some cute bois, and of course, drank champagne.

Next years event will be held during Dore Alley, and it will be amazing!

True glory takes root, and even spreads; all false pretences, like flowers, fall to the ground; nor can any counterfeit last long.

Is it wrong that I'm absolutely amused at the fact that Abigail's sperm donor is in jail tonight?
I feel like I should be throwing a party.
And, I must admit, calling my mother at 3 AM and making her go get the work truck he was driving really felt luxurious.
Maybe they'll hear me when I speak about my fears now.

So, Abby's preschool is closing. This is causing me great stress and frustration.
I am so particular about her education and her upbringing, and it makes me not be able to sleep well when we transition things.

Yesterday, I enrolled her in a Montessori preschool. I suspect it will just be for the time being, but the location is convenient.

Everything is organic. We like McDonalds and cupcakes.

They don't do 'birthdays', rather they light a candle and parade around the globe in a celebration of life. You can't bring cupcakes, and they gave me an alternative list of items that are school approved. Rice cakes, raisins, hummus.

If the kids don't get along, the teacher gives them a peace flower. They give it to the person they are arguing with, and bless them with peace.

But, once a month they have a parents night out. And they have a once a month community encounter. And they support the same things I do.

Yet, I'm nervous.

It wasn't as clean as I would have preferred.
And the ratios are MUCH higher. She's leaving a 1:8 for a 1:13.

And it almost seems as if they'll over-work her. French, Italian, Spanish, piano, yoga, art classes...She's only 3.

So, if I seem a little weepy, or a little overwhelmed, it's because I'm missing something magical that I wasn't sure I'd ever miss. My little baby is a big girl, and I'm having trouble letting go.

Death does not become me...
but I do like super-hot paramedics.

Ohhhhh, medddddiicccccccccc!

Still feeling woozy and ill from my recent adventure in the hospital.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
But I still got laid! ;)

September 16, 2009
Aquarius (1/20-2/18)
Every choice you've made in the past has helped create the wonderful person you are, so be proud of the lessons you've learned. Show that pride by sticking to your guns and living up to the reputation you've created. People always rely on you to do the right thing, and that's an incredibly valuable (and flattering) position to be in. Don't dilute your point of view to appease other, more powerful people. They'll respect you all the more for being true to yourself -- and that's the goal.

All I can tell you is that sake, tequila and jaeger bombs do not mix.
One minute I was dancing, the next I was laying on the bathroom floor of a porn store hugging the toilet.
Q and I both agree it was a remarkably clean bathroom...at least we're going to keep telling ourselves that.
She might have been safer at Pig's.

So here I sit...
My desk is near empty, except for the pile of things I'll still finish.
My drawers are lacking the snacks and goodies I've piled away..the change for the vending machine.
My truck has a box of memories of 13 years, tucked away nicely in cardboard.
My office, aside from the creative chaos of books that need audited soon, and evaluations that must be done this month, is fairly empty.
The couch that I've lovingly transported from state to state, office to office, sits abandoned.
The windows are all clear now, and you can really see every inch of my building from my office.
I ate a slice of cake, had a cup of coffee with my girls, and am saving the tears for my drive to my new office.
My whole adult life has driven me down this path...and now...a change.
And change for me is very difficult.

I'll come back next week, turn in my cell phone, turn in my keys...
And while they'll allow me to consult from time to time, and assist, and visit...
This isn't my home anymore.
And it's my heart that's hurting the most as I walk away from all I've ever known.

I know my new adventure will prove to be the right choice, but today, I'll mourn the loss of my childhood...my loves...my entire adult life that transpired within these boundaries.
The losses, the gains, the deaths, the love...
Everything that has occurred in the past decade has happened within this office.
And it's not mine anymore.

I think I'm handling them well.

I have 3 1/2 more days in my chosen field, before taking on the full time responsibility of Conrad's office.

I'm a nervous wreck.

And, I have an ovarian cyst.

And I just really want to spend a few days in bed.

He won! Yay!
Thanks everyone that voted!

Hmm...My daughter just came into the office and said "Mommy? I wish I could be a boy."

All my hard work, all the princess lessons...Bah.

Q wins this round.

As someone in Wonderland said to Alice, it's best to try to believe at least three impossible things before breakfast. The funny thing is once you let yourself believe them, they don't seem all that impossible to begin with. The first step is to let yourself believe that such benevolence is in store for you. So go ahead -- what are three wonderful, lovely and no-way-that-could-happen-to-me things that you want in your life?


Alice
"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"

Alice
"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see."

The Duchess
"Tut, tut, child! Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it."

Alice
"I think I should understand that better, if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it."

The Duchess
"That's nothing to what I could say if I chose."

Alice
"It would be so nice if something made sense for a change."

Caterpillar: Who are YOU?
Alice: This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.

The Duchess:
I quite agree with you. And the moral of that is: Be what you would seem to be, or if you'd like it put more simply: Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.

Alice: Well, when I was lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But who'd ever think to look for me here?
[sigh]
Alice: Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.

Queen of Hearts: I warn you dear child, if I lose my temper, you lose your head. Understand?

I go on record as saying this wasn't my brightest idea.
But I'm awake.
Abby refuses.
And I must shower for my flight.

The fun will begin soon. :)

Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday
When I caught your eye
We caught onto something
I hold onto the night
You looked me in the eye
And told me you loved me

Were you just kidding?

Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down
We almost never speak
I don't feel welcome anymore
Baby what happened
Please tell me cause one second it was perfect
Now you're halfway out the door

And I stare, at the phone
He still, hasn't called
And you feel so low you can't feel, nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always

Was I out of line? Did I say something way to honest?
Did you run and hide like a scared little boy?
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute
Now I'm not so sure

So heres to everything
Coming down to nothing
Heres to silence
That cuts me to the core
Where is this going?
Thought I knew for a minute but I don't anymore

And I stare, at the phone
He still, hasn't called
And you feel so low you can't feel, nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always

Did you mean it baby?
I don't think so

Back up, baby back up
Did you forget everything?
Back up, baby back up
Did you forget everything?

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always

And I stare, at the phone
He still, hasn't called
And you feel so low you can't feel, nothing at all
And you flashback to when we said
Forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always

Didn't mean it baby
Said forever and always