When he called and threatened me a few months ago, I handled it well. I didn't even lose my temper. Know why? Because I don't give a flip anymore. I realize that he's the center of issues in every relationship he forms, and I can't change him. I can enjoy my life, and celebrate the fact that he's torturing those crazy women and not me. It's fantastic to feel free finally.
The girls are getting along better and better every day. I can't believe it's been three years. Haley is having some issues with her biological mom, and has asked me to adopt her. I'm considering it.
But the best part of my news is that we've started the process to be a foster family. We're just at the beginning of that journey, but it's exciting. I want another child n-o-w.
Dwayne got a promotion into management at Goodyear. It's a great opportunity with no raise in pay. Hah. They switched him over to salary and it's the same amount he's been making.
I'm still chugging away at school, and I'm absolutely exhausted. I go to class two nights a week, after working full time. It's hard, but other than one random class, I am whizzing through this semester.
Work is fantastic. I adore my new principal. And I LOVE the teachers we hired for my program this year. It's a relief to finally have positive people to work with, and they are great! I've been struggling with a third grader who tested positive for cocaine this week, but in general, my outlook is sunny.
Brownies is so much fun! In fact, we were supposed to do a lock in at the zoo last night. Due to inclement weather, the girls locked in at my house. Wahoo! We had a blast with nachos, hot chocolate, movies, and wild 2nd grade girl play, but it makes my heart warm to have my house full!
Thanksgiving is coming up. We're having another family over for dessert and game night that night, but the girls just want to go out to dinner and Dwayne doesn't care. I'm making a turkey. They can bite me.
Anyway, with the holidays fast approaching, I wanted to resolve to write more often! I wonder if I should switch blog sights though?
I never go out, but it's been a long few weeks, and I wanted to connect. Plus, Stacy asked me to wingman for her.
So I went!
We started at The Red Dirt. We had drinks, but there were kids EVERYWHERE. (Part of this bar is a restaurant.)
We did not want to hang out with kids any more.
So we went to Scooters. I haven't been to Scooters since I moved to Oklahoma. We used to go all the time. Dwayne was a bouncer there for quite a few years before he got on at Goodyear. The bartender has driven me home more than once. And, it's always a good time. Sometimes, too good.
I didn't want to go. It's a giant honky tonk, with loud music, and cheap beer. It's either 21 year olds or 65 year olds, twirling around on the dance floor. Being neither, I was hesitant.
But I shook my ass, and danced and danced. It was fantastic! I had too much jager, and not enough water, and laughed and laughed. I had beer and jello shots and danced some more.
I flirted and giggled and every care I ever had escaped my brain.
I need more dancing in my life.
Gosh, it has to be disconcerting to be the discards, all on an island together. Rolling around in the memory of me.
I love my dungeon. It has no windows, and is starting to feel cozy. I started a collection of school uniforms for disadvantaged children, and the donations keep pouring in to me! Other schools have started requesting uniforms from us!
We have an amazing new faculty, and a fantastic set of support staff. I'm really excited.
We met today as a faculty, for the first time, and I really can't express my relief at having an administration that understands my students.
Our school district has been through so many changes in the past few months. They were needed, and give a fresh outlook on different topics.
I've had to restrain myself from purchasing more pencils than fit in a backpack, reams of lined paper, and shiny clean notebooks! I LOVE this time of year.
Parents are relieved to see the start of school. I'm relieved to see the close of summer vacation. I was going stir crazy! I am someone who doesn't do well without a schedule to adhere to, it appears. I spent a ton of time at school all summer though.
The marathon began today, and in 9 months, I'll be ready for summer again. :)
For ten weeks, I held that combination of me and Dwayne tightly within my uterus. I had fears and concerns, but knew it was the perfect blend of love and hope, all nestled within me. It was like a gift I hadn't expected to receive, but adored none the less. I could envision our sleepless nights, and the exploration of parenthood together.
It brought us closer.
And tonight, alone in a strange hospital, tucked away in the emergency room, I lost it. I bled, I cried, and I didn't wake Dwayne up. I don't know how to tell him.
I feel like I've ruined some beautiful chapter in our story.
Logically, I know it wasn't my fault. It wasn't the haunted house, the stress, or whatever...it was the universe telling us to do it right next time.
In the morning, I'll tell him. And he'll love me, in spite of it all.
But tonight, I mourn alone. Confined by my heartbreak.
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